I wish I could teleport
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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