if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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