At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
