What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Randomize
