The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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