Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
