I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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