dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
