This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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