i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.