1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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