WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
its liver damage thursday
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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