Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude