at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
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We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
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My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?