Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
