We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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