If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
