omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
