you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
