as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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