i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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