guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I see more hoeing in ur future
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