You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
