dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize