I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
