u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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