i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
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We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
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We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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