Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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