So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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