I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
