he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
