I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
