Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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