We won't sleep together?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the day after is always just damage control
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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