he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize