why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
