Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
