I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
