remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
