can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
