Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
