When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
