My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
