Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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