awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
