True but thats because hes a fetus.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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