Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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