how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
