he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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