it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
