She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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