im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
time to smoke my breakfast
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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