Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
