my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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