I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
