He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
