I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
