oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
