I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
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Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?