he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.