In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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