if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
