you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
