Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The maid of honor just puked.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
