with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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