how can u be prego again
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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