i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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