Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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