I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
