Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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