I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
