I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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