I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
