u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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