I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
