yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
