i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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