I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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