Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
