Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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