Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
