i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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