I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
